


I've Got A Hold On You

by electrastylin



Series: No Place I'd Rather Be [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Liam is Harry's baby, M/M, past anorexia problems, serious talk of anorexic behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 13:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2111061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electrastylin/pseuds/electrastylin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam has been acting strange and Harry sets out to find out what was wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Got A Hold On You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello I am posting another Lirry one shot to make up for taking so long to update Picture Perfect. If you'er triggered by eating disorders then you might not wanna read this! It doesn't really go into detail.

“Do you guys think Liam's been acting strange lately?”

Louis asks the question out of the blue. The boys of One Direction, sans Liam, are sitting together, eating pizza and unwinding after a concert in America. Liam had declined to join, saying that he was tired and would rather just go to bed. He'd also declined Harry's offer to cuddle him to sleep, which had Harry in a somewhat sour mood.

Harry glances up at Louis, glad someone else has noticed it and it's not just him overreacting. This is the third time that Liam had rejected an offer to hang out with all of them, and Harry can't even count the times Liam's rejected him in the past three weeks.

“Yeah, he has been weird hasn't he,” Niall pipes up, mouth still half full of pizza.

Zayn nods, sitting up a bit in his chair to join the conversation.

“Yeah,” Harry agrees softly, looking over at where Liam and his room is. He knows Liam will already be asleep when he goes in. He has been for the past three weeks. “He barely wants to even look at me recently.” He looks back at the guys, mouth twisting slightly in sadness and irritation. It stings to think about how much he and Liam have been drifting. He's been trying to ignore it, but now that it's right in front of him, he can't anymore.

Louis gives him a sympathetic look, attempting a reassuring smile. “Maybe he just needs some space?” He suggests.

“Yeah, maybe,” Harry agrees, attempting to stop the tears in his eyes from leaking onto his face. Now he's stuck thinking about all of the times that Liam's turned him down in the past month. He knows that Liam wouldn't ignore him unless he has a reason to. The last time he kissed Liam was yesterday in the morning and it had only lasted a few seconds before Liam had pulled away, smiled at him and then gotten into the shower. He also knows that if Liam wanted to break up with him, he would be too nice and caring to break his heart right away. Maybe this was his way of telling Harry that they just weren't working anymore.

“Mate, I think you should go and talk to him,” Zayn says carefully, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You are his boyfriend after all.”

Harry nods, pressing his lips together for a moment. He is Liam's boyfriend, and no matter how much they've drifted, he's determined to find out what is wrong with him. “Yeah, I should.”

Harry stands up, wiping a hand down his face carefully. He doesn't know how he's gonna go about doing this.

“We're gonna go out,” Louis says suddenly, standing as well. “Give you two some privacy.”

Harry nods again, turning to walk towards where his and Liam's room is.

“Good luck mate,” Niall says from behind him.

Harry doesn't responde.

XX

Harry knocks on the door gently, not wanting to wake Liam if he's asleep already. He gets no response, so he pushes the door open gently, not surprised to find it unlocked. He hears the water running as soon as he enters the room, meaning that Liam is in the shower. He breaths a sigh of relief, walking to the bed and sitting down. He has time to think about what he's going to say now.

He begins to brace himself for all of the possibilities, while thinking about how he's going to confront the problem. He's fully prepared for Liam to break up with him. He knows that he'll be a right mess after it actually happens, but at least if he expects it, it won't be able to shock him. He's trying to think of a non-intrusive way to ask what's wrong with him when the bathroom door opens and Liam steps out, wearing a pair of Harry's sweats and a t-shirt, wet hair falling into his eyes.

He looks stunning and Harry just really wants to kiss him. So he does.

He stands, walking straight over to his boyfriend and pulling him in by the waist, connecting their lips softly. Liam's lips have always set Harry's nerves on fire, but he thinks this is the first time he's worried about not doing the same to Liam's. Liam falls slightly limp against him, wrapping his arms around Harry's neck as Harry gently slips his tongue in between Liam's lips. And then suddenly Liam is pushing him away, taking a step back, and smiling at Harry with that same look he's been giving him for almost a month now. Harry wishes he knew what it meant.

Harry sighs, dropping his arms from Liam's waist. “If you want to break up with me, can you please just do it?”

Harry doesn't actually mean to say it like that, but that's what slips from his mouth and it's too late to take it back now.

Liam's jaw drops and his eyes widen. “What?” He asks, staring openly.

“You've been pushing me away for almost a month and you won't let me kiss you for more than five seconds and you won't let me cuddle you to sleep and I just. I know that you wouldn't want to have to break my heart or whatever, but if I'm not what you want anymore I'd rather you just tell me that,” Harry blurts it all out, stepping away from Liam slightly and looking at the ground. He feels like his chest is being torn in two. He never thought that this was going to be a possibility a month ago, but here it is. No amount of preparation could actually prepare him for this.

“No!” Liam practically shouts. “No, no, no, that's not it at all I promise,” Liam says quickly, rushing towards him and grabbing both of his hands. “You're exactly what I want.”

Harry pulls his hands away from Liam's frustratedly. “You're sure not acting like it!” He says, staring at Liam like somehow he's going to get all of the answers to his questions by doing it. “Have I done something?” He asks, moving forward and putting his hands on Liam's shoulders. Liam looks like he wants to back away from him, but he stays put. “Did one of the boys do something to you? Did something happen? Are you hurt?”

Liam shakes his head slowly. He's blinking fast and it takes Harry a second to realize that there are tears in his eyes.

“Hey,” He says softly, pulling Liam into a hug and wrapping his arms around his back tightly, stopping him from being able to pull away. “Please just talk to me baby,” Harry pleads, rubbing Liam's back as he begins to cry into Harry's shoulder. “I'm not mad at you I just want to know what's wrong.”

Liam just shakes his head, gripping onto Harry tightly, “I-I can't,” he says, voice quivering like it always does when he's feeling stressed out.

Harry just holds him a little bit tighter, trying to think of anything that could be wrong with Liam that he refuses to tell Harry. They've always told each other everything. All the boys agreed not to keep secrets from each other way back when the band first started.

“I-,” Harry freezes when the thought comes to him, not even wanting to say it out loud. “You're not, like, terminally ill or anything are you.”

Liam freezes for a moment and Harry's entire life flashes in front of him for a moment and his heart starts racing before Liam just whispers a small, “No.”

“You-” Harry has so many other ideas of what could be wrong and he doesn't even want to think of half of them. “I don't want to guess about it Liam, please.”

Liam sighs heavily, like Harry's just put the entire world on his shoulders. “I kept a secret,” He says quietly, sitting down on the bed. Harry follows him and sits down next to him. He leaves a bit of space between them, in case Liam doesn't want him to sit too close.

“Back when the band first started,” Liam continues, still speaking quietly and looking at his hands in the shy way that he does when he thinks he's done something wrong. “and we agreed to tell each other everything, there was something I never told you guys.”

Harry nods but stays silent. He doesn't want to interrupt Liam and he's not really sure what he should even say.

“I, I told you guys that I was bullied pretty bad and all that, but there were some parts I left out of the story.” Liam twist his fingers together in a way that looks like it could mildly painful. Harry wants to lean over and pull them apart but he doesn't want to freak Liam out. Harry tries not to think back to the day Liam had sat them all down and told them the story of why he decided to start boxing. How he'd wanted to track down every single person on the earth who ever made Liam feel like he wasn't good enough.

“I, well, they used to,” Liam pauses, taking a deep breath. Harry notices how shaky his breathing has become. “They used to call me fat.” Liam says, voice steady and solid. “It was always the same thing. In the locker rooms I would change and they would push me around and call me pudgy Payne and other things and I just, well, I believed them, ya know.” Harry reaches out and takes Liam's hand, moving in close so that their legs are touching. Liam leans into his gratefully. “And I, I stopped eating.” Harry inhales sharply. Out of all of the things he was thinking Liam would tell him, this was not even a possibility he had considered. “I, I don't really think I can tell you the whole story right now, but I got better eventually, but it took a while. But recently, I've just been- I haven't been eating as much as I know I should be and I don't want to eat any junk food and I don't want you to see without my shirt or for anyone to, and I'm sorry I know I should've told you earlier, but I just didn't know how to tell you.”

Harry takes a deep breath, absorbing the information. He squeezes Liam's hand gently, trying to think of something to say. “I''m glad that you told me,” he says.

Liam just nods, leaning his head on Harry's shoulder.

“Is there anything that set it off? Was it something someone did, or told you? Or something you saw?” Harry asks, rubbing circles into the back on Liam's hand with his thumb.

“I don't think so. I just, I dunno. One day I just looked in the mirror and it was like I was back in year ten with no friends, ya know. It just sort of happened.”

Harry nods. He has no idea what it feels like to want to not eat, so he doesn't want to say something about understanding what Liam is going through because obviously he doesn't. He's trying to think of something to say that doesn't make him sound like an asshole when Liam speaks again.

“I haven't gone back to completely not eating, if that's what you're thinking.”

Harry shakes his head, kissing the top of Liam's head. “No, I wasn't. I was trying to think of something to say, but I'm kind of stuck to be honest.”

“You don't really have to say anything right now.” Liam sits up, still holding Harry's hand. Harry turns to look at him. “I mean, we don't have to talk about it at this very moment.”

“Are you gonna tell the boys?” Harry moves so that his legs are on the bed and he's sitting cross legged, facing Liam.

Liam nods, “Eventually. But I'd like to be able to tell you the whole story before I tell them.”

“Whenever you're ready babe,” Harry says gently. “But you need to be eating regularly, especially on tour. The boys have been worried about you as well.”

“I know. I'm sorry.” Liam lets go of Harry's hand, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. “It's just hard.”

“It's alright, babe,” Harry puts a hand on his shoulder. “The boys will understand. We love you. I love you.”

Liam looks at him, eye shining. “I love you too, more than anything. I know I've been shit at showing it lately, but I really do love you.”

Harry smiles, kissing Liam's forehead. “Good.”

Liam smiles back.

Harry startles a little when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out, seeing a text from Louis.

“hows it going ? is he alright ?”

“What should I tell Louis babe,” Harry asks.

“I-uh, just that I'm going through some stuff?” Liam respondes, stating it like a question.

Harry nods, texting Louis back quickly.

“He's ok. He's just going through some stuff. He's gonna tell you boys about it soon, but give him some time to get his head on straight and what not. we're going to sleep soon tho so ill talk to you more in the morning.”

“Let's get some sleep babe,” Harry says, setting his phone down on the nightstand. He stands up, stretching out as Liam murmurs in agreement.

He quickly changes into some sweats that he's not even sure are his, and a t-shirt that he thinks is Louis'. He climbs into bed next to Liam, who's already underneath the covers and facing away from him. He wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him in closer so that they're spooning. He doesn't miss the way Liam inhales sharply when Harry touches his stomach.

“Can you face me babe?” Harry asks softly. Not only does he want to see Liam's face, he knows that Liam likes being able to see people. He feels like he hasn't actually seen Liam in weeks.

Liam turns over, getting himself into a comfortable position before looking at Harry. Harry puts a hand on his cheek, rubbing his thumb over his cheekbone for a second before kissing him softly. Liam doesn't shy away this time, kissing back just as softly. Harry could cry at how much he's missed kissing Liam like this. Only three weeks without proper kissing and Harry felt like a mad man.

“I missed you,” Harry says when they break apart.

Liam blushes a little. “I haven't gone anywhere,” he says.

Harry pulls him a little closer, prompting Liam to bury himself into Harry as much as possible, hiding his face in the space between Harry's shoulder and neck. Harry rests his head on top of Liam's, wrapping his arms around him tighter.

“When's the last time we cuddled like this,” Harry asks, rubbing Liam's back.

“Sorry,” he mumbles back, obviously already drifting off to sleep.

“Go to sleep babe.” Harry kisses the top of his head again before getting himself comfortable.

He's eventually lulled to sleep by Liam's soft snoring.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it. Leave a comment and let me know what you think.


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